Well, here I am again, returning to my dead blog after 8 months of radio silence to ramble into the void. It feels good, to be honest. If I’m writing, I’m thriving. Not because all my life problems are fixed, but because I am at least actively engaging with them instead of hiding away.
2025: the year of politics
I have a lot to catch up on for myself. Last year was incredibly weird and I was definitely not doing well throughout. I still have to sit down and analyze why this happened.
One thing I know for sure: a lot of it has to do with the political climate. I kept being swept up in the endless negativity, the overwhelming division between people, the stress of my own country’s elections and the almost equally intense stress of watching Donald Trump rule the world’s most powerful nation like an angry, fascist toddler. I simply couldn’t look away. My entire social feeds noticed and soon my algorithms fed me nothing but angry fellow leftists telling me how doomed we all are. How fascism is back and we’re pretty much headed to the fourth reich.
And I truly believed this. Hell, I still do to some extent. But I wasted an entire year feeling angry and afraid. I neglected my mental and physical health, I didn’t do what I was supposed to do. I just sat there being actively offended and angry. It didn’t help. Donald Trump wasn’t impressed, my country still voted another bunch of rightwing buffoons into power and the world kept on spinning.
2026: still the year of politics
This year hasn’t been much better. I think everyone who had a sliver of hope that it would be got rid of that delusion on january third when Trump abducted Maduro and the extra delusional probably gave up when he was on the verge of invading Greenland. This year isn’t better. It won’t be better. It won’t be better anytime soon, in fact.
The world will stay shitty. People will stay shitty, some of them at least. There is nothing I can do about that.
I hated this advice when people gave it to me: focus on what you can change. I still hate it depending on the context, but I also have grown to appreciate it. Because it is actual good advice. I cannot change the narcissistic mind of Trump or the Ketamine-fueled delusions of Elon Musk from my humble home in Europe. I cannot stop Sam Altman from destroying the internet by haphazardly unleashing AI agents onto the free net. I cannot stop Putin from taking what isn’t his and I cannot stop Israel from commiting genocide in Gaza. I can delude myself and say that sharing angry posts about it on Instagram is helping, but it isn’t. I’m just sharing well-established viewpoints within my already leftist circles.
I cannot change shit outside of my own little bubble.
Tuning out
Last year I was so wrapped up in the world’s drama that I spent less time with my friends and family. I had long bouts of intense avoidance and I was on the verge of depression more than once. I wasn’t looking inside my bubble at all, I was staring outside and it was terrifying me to the point I even forgot about the lovely bubble of people, pets and hobbies around me.
This year I’m trying to tune out. I’m still angry at the systems and the people running them. I’m not becoming a meek centrist, but I don’t just want to stare into the misery until I go blind. It’s making me unhappy.
This year I want to act like I’m safe in my bubble. I know I’m not, but that’s okay. Fixating on it won’t help. Instead, I want to continue my journey of self improvement that I started in 2024. I was doing so good back then, and luckily my progress hasn’t stalled. Many of the seeds I planted that year have continued to grow even despite the lack of spiritual water I gave them. I still got better at socializing, my self hatred continued to die down and I never stopped going to therapy.
Intentions
Last year I did a whole thing about intentions vs resolutions at the start of the year. I’m not proud to admit that I achieved none of them, which is why I never set them as resolutions. Now I feel less shitty about myself!
My intentions for 2025 were to become financially independant, be more healthy, have more and better sex and write more. I did the sex part, so I haven’t fucked it up entirely, but apart from that I actually went backwards on the health and the writing so I’m afraid I still end up at the starting line again.
But that’s okay. Those intentions still stand. They don’t have to be done this year, I just want to get back on track. I’m doing good on my mental health. I’ve learned so much about how to deal with it and I’m in another group therapy right now that I’ll dive into deeper soon. I’m confident in that part. I have to conquer my physical health somehow. I have to find ways to eat better, exercise more and actually respect my body instead of using it as a vessel to take me to McDonalds. Luckily quantity of food isn’t much of an issue for me so I haven’t really gained weight in 2025, but the quality of food I’ve eaten is abysmal.
I also still really want to escape my job. I love my colleagues but I need more to be happy. I need independence, autonomy and honestly… more money. I need to do something that gives me energy instead of taking it. Something that doesn’t require a 90 minute intense struggle to get out of bed every morning.
As for writing and sex, those still stand. I want more of them and I want to be better at them. On top of that I want to meet more people. I want to feel normal for the first time. I want to go out to bars and restaurants and feel like a regular human being without all the toxic shame weighing me down. And I think I can.
The blog
So, what are my intentions for the blog in 2026? First of all: more writing. I have so much to dive into including a new diagnosis I got late last year, my brand new group therapy as well as books I’ve read and things I’ve learned. There’s not a lack of potential content, but I am still incredibly good at putting off writing it. I could let ChatGPT do it but the problem is I simply don’t want to. I like the old-school fingers-on-keyboard type of writing. I don’t even let that little bot spellcheck me! Spelling mistakes give character (or maybe I just don’t want the LLM to judge my writing).
I also maybe want to gain my first reader this year. So far I’ve been whispering into the void for almost two years and it feels incredibly safe but also kind of useless? Like why am I even putting this online instead of in a private text file. Would save me quite the hassle of hosting and removing endless casino spam comments (by the way, did you know you can go to DefinitelyNotAScamCasino.com and get 69 free spins to win 12 trillion dollars right now!?). I want just one reader. I don’t know where I’m gonna find him/her/them yet but I’ll figure it out somehow.
Anyway, that’s enough rambling to make up for eight months I think? It felt good, at least for me.
